I don’t really have specific topic to talk about actually. Maybe about self-esteem? I don’t know.

I find myself having issues to tell people about my problems, what more to solve them. It’s not that I don’t know how, it’s not that I choose not to, but somehow, it just, happened.

I am actually quite awed when I see my friends rant about their minor (and even major) problems on twitter, Instagram etc etc. Like they blatantly splurt everything out without the need to concern about their followers who are reading over their tweets. Im not being judgmental here, really. It’s just that I’m impressed (I don’t think it’s the right word lol) with their confidence to let everything out. I, on the other hand, bottled up every problems that I had until sometimes I myself got choked. If it were me, I would always thought “eh is it okay to tweet this? Why would anyone want to read this? Why would anyone bother about this?”, more or less like that. I think that quite explains why I have low counts of tweets?

I did try to tell some problems of mine to my parents but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t even start, my mouth wont open, literally. I couldn’t say the very thing I wanted to say ugh. Every time im with anyone, be it with my family or with my friends, I would become the not-sad-me immediately. One of my sisters once told me that I always tease my siblings whenever im back home. Well, I took that as a compliment, as in that is the other way of saying im always happy, at home.

But that would change drastically if Im alone. I would constantly think of every problems that I had, sometimes tears would roll off my (full with pimples) cheeks. One of the many reasons that I could ever think of is that I always underestimate my problems. I always thought that my problems are stupid and petty enough that I shouldn’t waste anybody’s time to listen to me crying obnoxiously. I look real ugly when I cry (even if im not crying I still don’t look any close like Maya Karin).

I remember when I entered college, I changed into such a quiet person. I was in UNMC back then, doing my foundation course and eventually my 1st year of degree. It was quite a change from the high-school me, I would be attending events at different schools and states. A very active person I was!  In all honesty, I like myself when I am talkative, laughing all the time, slow at picking up jokes. I realise that I am still like that, but I can say in front of a very few people.

Sometimes I myself could not correlate about what I want to talk about actually lol. At first I was saying about how I couldn’t share my problems with people and then I brag about my small community of friends zz. Well I think theyre just kinda related so at some point they are interconnected and intercepted HA HA  maths term.

I had a lot to type but they are all just gone already. I’ll probably edit this post if I come to remember those littlest pettiest things that I wanna write. Till then.